i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
