The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The power of my boobs compel you
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
