guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
