that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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