if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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