I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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