I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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