I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
