I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
