I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
