We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
