youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
