I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
