med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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