I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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