Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
