I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
