I hate your face
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Holy sore nipples Batman
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
