we should wear snuggies to the strip club
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
