I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
