She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
