so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
