I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
