drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
