I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
