I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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