The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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