I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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