i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
