i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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