her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
