Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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