My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
