I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
