my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize