My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
