I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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