Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
