I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
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