"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
