Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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