dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
