anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
