New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
