So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
