We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
