HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
