bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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