somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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