Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
