I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
