I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
