i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
