I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
