i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I smell like Dick and happiness
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
