just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize