In America we eat man semen.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
