youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I want to have your abortion
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
