just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
