I must be too annoying 4 u.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
