Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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