There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
