Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
