These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
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