On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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