you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
