my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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