u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
