dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am available for nakedness
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
