either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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