just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
