My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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